Teens’ Reflections.
Curious, yet nervous about taking that important first step? That’s normal, and completely expected; coming to see a psychotherapist for the very first time can seem intimidating and anxiety-provoking.
Some of my clients, past and present, have kindly penned their thoughts and feelings about their journey through therapy. We hope that this will help demystify the experience and allow you to get more clarity about whether this might be what you’re looking for.
Read on, and when you feel ready to start, get in touch, and we’ll begin our journey to a healthier, happier you.
F, 18, International Student; major depression, suicidal ideation, anxiety, individuation, family dynamics, identity formation
“I started seeing Xinyi in 2021 for anxiety, major depression, active suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem/confidence, and social anxiety. I was referred by a friend who realised I was struggling with these issues after a suicide attempt.
Therapy has helped me sort through some of my mental hurdles through shifting perspectives and thinking more rationally. In ways more than one, it has provided me with alternatives in what originally seemed like a hopeless scenario. Now, I feel that I can better cope with social pressures as well as stressful situations.
Looking to the future, I hope to continue this journey together towards bettering myself as a person, understanding myself and formulating my voice and identity. While overcoming my mental health issues is no easy feat, I hope to become a little better than yesterday, one step at a time.”
F, 15, Student; Self-harm and suicidal ideation, PTSD, depression, family dynamics, school stress, emotional regulation, friendship issues
“Before starting therapy, I was cutting myself daily and already had a set date to kill myself. I constantly felt like no one understood me because for the past 2 years important figures (i.e., friends, family, teachers) told me that a traumatic experience I had was something that should be excused. I was also dealing with a lot of school pressure and had unrealistically high expectations for myself. I suffered from low self-esteem and was crying every other day for the longest time.
The year I got the help I needed was the year when my life hit the biggest turning point. My parents were getting divorced and this time I knew that it was finally going to happen. I was also dealing with school pressure, friendship issues, unresolved trauma from the year before, and my dad constantly verbally abusing the entire family. After a huge argument with my father I started cutting myself for the first time. I wondered if I was depressed and searched it up online. One of the questions I came across was if I had set a date for myself to die and at that time I answered no. A month later, things hit rock bottom and I remember telling myself during class that I would kill myself at home that Sunday in my bathtub.
I started crying in class when I realised that a question I previously said no to had now become a yes. The next day I decided to see the school counsellor for a final chance at hope. Eventually more people got involved and I ended up in therapy and I can say now that being in therapy is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.
I had met a handful of counsellors prior to this and man did they suck. I entered the room with a lot of doubt and remember thinking that whoever was going to talk to me was going to start off with another "everything in this room will remain confidential unless you intend to hurt yourself or someone else". I remember my first session so vividly and I remember taking an instant liking to Xinyi after she dropped the f-bomb to describe something I said.
I’ve been going to therapy for about 9 months now and it has helped me become a person I never knew existed. It allowed me to see things from a different perspective and understand that even though I have bad days, I also have good ones. Therapy is all about changing your mindset and it only works if you allow yourself to have that change. Therapy only works if you make that change for yourself with the help of other people.”
F, 19, Student Athlete and Student Leader; depression, suicidal ideation, family dynamics, social anxiety, academic excellence
“I started seeing Xinyi in 2018 for issues that initially related to depersonalisation, depression and suicidal thoughts. As we spoke, I realised that I also struggled with self-confidence that manifested in an eating disorder. I also sought guidance on how best to navigate my relationship with my family, mainly my parents; and just wanted to receive advice in general - with regard to school, social life, and personal growth.
What I am most appreciative of is the opportunity to have had a kind, objective (but intelligently biased), and friendly presence to talk to and bounce ideas off of. Talking with Xinyi has been the driving force in gleaning lessons that I would have otherwise been reluctant to pursue. In every session, she’s provided a listening ear and decisive advice to rely and lean on. Moreover, it’s simple but, through the groundedness and practicality of our conversations, I have been able to meet a friend who I value greatly and that just improves the quality of life overall.
I look forward being able to share in the new challenges and interests that may come with my moving to the US for college and living independently for the first time.
TL;DR: more nice conversations and spending time with a genuinely great human being.”
F, 19, University Student; intergenerational trauma, family dynamics, stress and anger management, academic excellence
“I’m seeking therapy with Xinyi for low self-esteem, family dynamic issues (due to generational trauma), anger management, burnout, and educational excellence.
I wasn’t brought up in a functional, healthy family or environment. I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough because whatever (minimal) positive appraisal I got was based on academic achievements and other things to show my excellence to the world. I tried doing things for myself, but at some point, my own needs and desires became intertwined with the needs of a family who barely showed affection to me, just for any sense of validation. I would constantly yell, scream and purposely pick fights with my parents just to show them how much they hurt me, and to hurt them back in return. I want to let myself love my family (I think a part of me does but doesn’t want to acknowledge it), and I want to experience their love, but I just don’t want to get hurt again. I was contemplating going for therapy long before my breaking point, but none of my close friends were going for it, and there was generally a negative or mocking stigma about therapy in the toxic environment I was in so I held off on going for a long time. But the long and short of it is, I’m relieved I finally did.
I started going to Xinyi around a year ago, and I couldn’t be happier with this decision. Therapy with her has allowed me to identify so many emotions and finally voice the things I’ve felt all this time. Xinyi has helped me identify the root cause of my emotions, and what that has subsequently led to. Sessions are validating and it gives me a whole different perspective, diverging from the expectations I grew up with. I would even say it's liberating. Admittedly, there are times when I react negatively to what Xinyi says. However, at some point, I will need to acknowledge it, so therapy also taught me to be open with criticism and ideas. It will really open your mind one way or another.
Therapy isn’t an answer booklet to life; it isn’t like tuition where you ask your tutor the answer to a question that you're scratching your head to. Instead of giving you answers, therapy teaches you how to identify your emotions, resilience, independence, and many other things that will better equip you to deal with life’s turbulences. Therapy with Xinyi has become an anchor for me. I trust Xinyi deeply, and I know she has my best interests at heart.
Therapy isn’t something that can solve all your problems overnight. It’s a process, and the duration depends on the person. Personally, I can see myself seeking therapy far into adulthood, or at least until I have healed from my childhood experiences. Even now, I am aware that therapy may seem taboo or something laughable to some, but going for therapy doesn’t mean I’m any weaker or unable to tolerate things compared to others. I’m just willing to admit that I need professional help to ease my burdens and put my thoughts and emotions into words to better myself for the present and future.
Healing is important, and even though therapy may seem scary to people, I implore you to go for it. Do it for yourself because nobody deserves to be hurt.”
F, 20, University Student; anxiety, PTSD, eating disorder, assertiveness, family dynamics
“I started seeing Xinyi in 2017 for an array of different difficulties such as anxiety, family dynamic issues, eating disorder, PTSD, coping strategies and stress management with most of them intertwining with one another.
I have always taken the stance that therapy does not always have to revolve around negative topics of concern and urgency. I view my sessions with Xinyi as equally enriching during the more positive seasons of my life as they help me reinforce and perpetuate my positive behaviours and habits. Her reminders and affirmation of what I am doing right alongside encouragement of what I should implement in my life give me a sense of balance and mental clarity.
I am looking forward to receiving more advice and a change in perspective for me to better know how to problem-solve certain issues, especially those that, with Xinyi’s coaching, I have learned to accept and have made peace with. With me not having many people I can confide in, Xinyi’s providing me with concrete, actionable steps is something I need as they help guide my feelings and actions. Overall, having a clear plan of knowing what to do in times of crisis is the most beneficial for me as it would prevent me from feeling overwhelmed and lost.”
F, 16, Student Leader; school stress and burnout, effective leadership, communication, academic excellence
“I’m seeking support and coaching from Xinyi to manage my adjustment disorder and academic burnout after I was promoted by the school to a higher-performing academic stream due to good performance and results. I am also a student leader who is in charge of mentoring my juniors and leading by example.
After 1 year of coaching from Xinyi, I am now better able to manage my stress levels and understand my feelings. Xinyi ensures that I’m aware that my feelings are valid and that I’m different from everyone; there is no need to compare myself to my peers. I am now more confident than before, and am able to quickly adapt to changing demands and challenges the school throws at me.
Unlike before when I dreaded new situations and avoided facing my fears, I am now looking forward to exploring what lies ahead of me, and am excited about the next phase of my educational experience.”
M, 16, Student; sexual identity, self-worth, life-skills, family dynamics, academic direction
“Xinyi has helped me come to terms with my sexuality and has taught me how to love myself more. She has been helpful in teaching me life skills from time management to communication skills. I am very thankful for her help and her open mind.”
F, 15, Student Leader; school stress and burnout, effective leadership and communication, family dynamics
“I am seeking support and coaching to cope with family issues, school stress, and burnout.
Xinyi has helped me a lot in managing my thoughts and how I can respond to tough situations. Through monthly sessions with her, I learned to deal with my daily problems with more effective approaches and how I can try better ways to cope with stress and the workload given to me. As a student leader, I feel that the sessions benefitted me a lot and improved my relationships with others and how I should put myself first before others; basically placing more importance on self-care.
Moving forward, I think there is still more to learn. I'm looking forward to more ways I can manage myself and my relationships with those around me.”
Non-binary, 19, University student; anxiety, depression, sexual and gender identity, family dynamics, boundaries
“Xinyi has helped me through my anxiety and depression for 4 years. I have definitely changed for the better because of her. She helped me work on my confidence and self-esteem -- before I met her, I was even too scared to call clinics to make appointments or order at restaurants. But now I can proudly say that I can do both things (and more!)
She has helped me to grow into myself, and her mentorship has helped me to be happy with who I am today. Xinyi is an extremely fair-minded person, and I know that I can trust her advice, or for her to call me out on my behaviours (in a good way!). As a young queer person, Xinyi also is very accepting, and isn't afraid to ask questions in order to help support me. I feel like I can be my true self around her.
I am truly so grateful to Xinyi for her continuous support and guidance!”
M, 10, Primary School Student; anxiety, school stress, bullying and confidence
“I’m seeing Xinyi for help with my school stress, bullying, anxiety and to build my confidence.
Therapy has made me more confident and reduced my stress and anxiety. It also taught me how to be brave and stand up for myself and I don’t get bullied anymore.
I like seeing Xinyi and talking to her, and I am looking forward to learning how to control my sad emotions so I can have more fun and happy days.”
M, 16, School Debator; school stress, self-esteem, social skills and communication, perspective-taking
“I am in therapy to learn social and communication skills, improve my self-esteem, and have better perspective-taking, especially in my interaction with peers. These are essential skills that I require specific coaching in given that I have autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
Xinyi has provided me with a conducive space to focus on self-development in a positive manner, which allows me to recognise and build on personal strengths, thereby improving my internal self-image and self-worth. Through the therapeutic and expertly-guided self-discovery sessions, Xinyi has not merely encouraged but has also facilitated constructive conversations and the development of insight without an air of condescension or sanctimony. This partnership has proved constructive as I feel safe and able to discuss issues without fear of receiving peremptory replies and imperious tones as would normally be heard in other discussions with adult or authority figures.
I am looking forward to more emotional discovery in a guidance-oriented space in which I can express and untangle issues of personal concern without pressure and in a genuine, non-judgemental manner.”
M, 18, Student; sexual identity, depression, anxiety, self-harm, self-worth, academic direction, NS readiness
“I started seeing Xinyi soon after I had come out to my family, and was struggling with low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. I’d seen other therapists and school counsellors before her, and felt an immediate connection thanks to her openness and genuine warmth in talking to me about what most people might feel awkward about.
Therapy has made me more confident and allowed me to have a better understanding of myself. Most importantly, I haven’t self-harmed in nearly a year, something that I struggled with for a long time and a change that I am very proud of. Therapy has been relaxing, as I feel like I am able to talk to a trusted advisor who isn’t your parent; talking on a consistent basis to someone out of the family makes me feel less self-conscious as I don’t feel as if I am being judged, or that the relationship will be affected by anything I say. Xinyi has created a space where I feel comfortable revealing vulnerable emotions and difficult thoughts, and this has been helpful in allowing me to have more stable moods.
As I will be starting National Service (NS) next year, I look forward to having Xinyi guide me in managing my social anxiety, so that I might learn to be more comfortable in expressing myself and not shutting people out because I am anxious about how they might perceive me. I feel more confident now that I will be able to make friends, and maybe even be in a healthy relationship one day!”
F, 17, Student; self-harm and suicidal ideations, anxiety, depression, school stress
“Two years ago, I started seeing Xinyi after being bumped around by a handful of mental health professionals. For context, I came from a ‘branded’ school, and was experiencing a lot of stress and anxiety as I was unable to manage my self-expectations and the expectations my parents had of me. I resorted to self-harm and attempted suicide twice, thinking that ending my life would end all my struggles.
Initially, I entered Xinyi’s office with a lot of anger, thinking that it was going to be just another adult telling me that I was just being ‘attention seeking’ or ‘unable to cope’, before ratting my anxieties out to my parents and teachers. However, Xinyi proved herself to be different from the rest. In each session, I began to see her more and more as a friend than just any other mental health professional.
Xinyi listened to my struggles and empathised with them from my perspective, without any judgement or condescension. She made me feel heard in every way possible and validated my emotions, instead of purely jumping straight into a ‘recovery gameplan’ as most other professionals would.
I recall the darkest months when I hit rock bottom. I was cutting myself daily, anytime and anywhere, be it in my room at home or under the desk at school. That was only the tip of the iceberg. Obsessive habits of dieting and skipping meals, constantly thinking about how to unalive myself, and many other unhealthy behaviours began to surface. By then, most people had given up on helping me, thinking that it was impossible for someone who had given up on life at such a young age to ever recover or do anything great with their life. That did not faze Xinyi at all. Each week as I entered the session, she always heard me out and encouraged me, coaching me with practical advice that actually works, and not just some ‘think of happy thoughts’.
One of my greatest takeaways from therapy is that sometimes, it’s impossible to change the environment that I am put in. But what I can do, is to change my perspective of things, and how I react to the environment. Xinyi saw me beyond my challenges - she saw me as a decent human being, who was hurt but still worthy of receiving as much support as she could provide me with.
After journeying with Xinyi for two years in therapy, I flourished despite my past wounds, topping my cohort in multiple subjects. The girl who was infamous for ‘skipping school and cutting herself’ became the same girl who shocked everyone with her resilience and tenacity. Although therapy is still stigmatised in society today, I firmly believe that there is truly no shame in reaching out and seeking help. In fact, therapy puts one in an optimal space to thrive and grow, and I can attest to that in my 2 year journey with Xinyi.”